Cycle Breakers Self-Assessment Quiz

Updated January 2023: I’m so glad you’re here and taking steps towards healing. I do have a series of articles on reparenting but want to be upfront that I’m in a place in my healing journey where I’ve moved away from talking about narcissistic traits in others and I’m currently focusing solely on expansion and what brings me joy. I’ve moved away from the textbooks and have jumped headfirst back into shadow work art (my original healing medium) mixed with a newfound interest in mushrooms. If the thought of using art and mushrooms to find peace outside of your family’s dysfunctions excites you then definitely do poke around. Sending you luck on your journey, friend.

Are you a cycle breaker who’s working hard to rid your family of generational trauma, toxic thought patterns, and inappropriate behaviors? And, are you curious about where you are on your journey?

Well, you’re in luck. This cycle breakers self-assessment quiz will help you measure how well you’re doing on breaking the toxic cycle you were born into—and it might even give you some insights on what you should focus on next.

How to Take This Quiz

To take this quiz, decide which statement rings true to you. Then assign a point value to each letter you choose:

a)     give yourself one point

b)    give yourself two points

c)     give yourself three points

In the end, we’ll add up the points and see how well you’re doing as a cycle breaker. 

If there is a statement that involves your kids or partner and you don’t have one in your life right now, just consider how you think about, treat, or behave towards other people in your life in general.

A Note to All Cycle Breakers

Before you take this quiz, you need to know that cycle breaking is not easy. This quiz is simply meant to help you identify the common hang-ups that people experience with cycle breaking. It is by no means a measure of your worth.

If you haven’t accomplished everything here, don’t judge yourself for it. It’s okay. Cycle breaking isn’t a race—it’s a long journey. Knowing where you stand is meant to help you move forward.

So, with that, let’s get into it.

Empathy

Growing up in a toxic household, you may have never experienced what it was like to be on the receiving end of empathy. Empathy is like sympathy, but there’s no pity involved. It’s about understanding how someone else feels and sitting with them in that feeling.

a)     I struggle to empathize with others because my overwhelming emotions make it hard to focus on anything other than how I feel.

b)    I sometimes empathize with others, but it’s often challenging.

c)     Empathy is almost second nature to me since I’ve practiced it so much.

Boundary Setting

If you grew up in a controlling or abusive home where your boundaries were often disrespected, learning where your boundaries are, how to set them, and how to enforce them can be a challenge.

a)     It’s hard to know where my boundaries are, and I tend to overwork myself physically or emotionally.

b)    I can tell when my boundaries are being crossed, but it’s hard for me to speak up about it.

c)     I know how to firmly set boundaries, but it can still be challenging to enforce them when people constantly disrespect them.

Respecting Other’s Boundaries

The same thing goes for respecting other people’s boundaries—it’s not always easy to take “no” for an answer when your model for relationships didn’t include healthy boundaries. 

a)     I often want to control or manipulate others to do what I want. Hearing “no” is incredibly unpleasant for me.

b)    I care about what other people want, but respecting other’s boundaries can be hard when it’s not in line with what I want.

c)     I understand that other people, including children, have control over themselves. I rarely or never disrespect someone when they tell me “no.”

Trusting and Respecting Others

Trust and respect are crucial pillars in any healthy relationship.

a)     I rarely trust people, and you have to earn my respect if you want it.

b)    I like to treat people with respect, but that doesn’t mean I actually respect or trust them.

c)     I think everyone deserves respect, and I trust the people close to me enough to be vulnerable around them.

Honesty

If you grew up in a home where you needed to lie for your safety, honesty might not feel natural to you.

a)     I often lie as a defense mechanism or even habit.

b)    I sometimes lie to protect others or myself.

c)     I know that lying to myself, to others, and to my kids will only hurt us all in the end, so I rarely or never do it.

Communication

Communication is another extremely important part of any relationship, but it’s also one of the most common areas in need of improvement.

a)     I rarely share how I feel with others. My partner should be able to guess how I feel based on my behavior.

b)    I don’t like to talk about how I feel, and I often make assumptions about what other people want or what our plans are.

c)     It’s hard to make sure everyone is on the same page, but I do my best to communicate my intentions, feelings, and desires. I listen to others and ask meaningful questions.

Validation

Validating others' emotions will dramatically improve your and your family’s wellbeing.

a)     I dismiss, belittle, and shame myself and my children often.

b)    I sometimes feel the urge to invalidate my kids, but I often correct myself.

c)     Validation is the standard in my house, and I actively discourage dismissing, belittle, and shaming behaviors in myself and my kids.

Prioritizing Yourself

As a parent and a traumatized child, taking care of yourself might be extremely difficult. You’ve likely been taught that you don’t matter—but you do.

a)     I still struggle to take care of myself and prioritize my physical and emotional needs.

b)    I have dreams and desires, but I’m too afraid to act on them.

c)     I am chasing my dreams! But it’s still kind of scary.

Finding Chosen Family

They say blood is thicker than water, but sometimes your genetic family can’t offer the same support as a community built with intention and care.

a)     My family is my main support system, even though I know they’re toxic.

b)    I have some healthy relationships in my life outside of my family, but family always comes first.

c)     I’m careful about managing how I spend my time, and I put the most energy into cultivating healthy relationships, regardless of the relationship status.

Protecting Your Child’s Rights

Standing up for yourself is hard enough already, but as a parent, you want to make sure you’re standing up for your kids, too.

a)     I let my children handle their stuff on their own. I encourage blind obedience to authority.

b)    I want to stand up for my kids, but I’m not sure how.

c)     I teach my kids how to stand up for themselves, and I step in if they can’t do it themselves.

Commitment to Wellbeing

Finally, as a cycle breaker, your commitment to your personal growth and wellbeing is one of the things that makes you strong.

a)     I want to be better, and I’m learning how to now.

b)    I’m growing as a person, a parent, and a partner. I know I can do this!

c)     I am and have been committed to cycle breaking. It’s a never-ending journey that I will always be on.

The Results Are In: You’re an Amazing Human Being

Here’s how you did on your cycle breakers self-assessment quiz!

If you scored between 11-18:

You’re doing great! You’re still at the beginning of your cycle-breaking journey, and there’s lots to learn. Being a cycle breaker is hard, but you’re up for the challenge. Keep on keeping on, and you’ll see how much better life at home can be.

If you scored between 18-26:

We love to see it! You are growing. You are learning. You are breaking. You are becoming. Keep doing what you’re doing because it’s working.

If you scored between 26-33:

Wow! We are impressed. Being a cycle breaker is a lifelong experience, and you’re basically a personal growth guru by now. You should be proud of yourself.