Soothe Your Inner Child so That You Can Get Back to Parenting
Congrats on making it this far momma! Parenting is no easy feat.
Chances are that if you have landed on this page, you’re on a path to healing. 🙌
It’s crazy, ain’t it? We thought we were doing okay...we followed the regime of high school, college, career ladder, relationship and kids...but now we are in a bit of a rut.
If you are like I was a few short years ago, you are unsure of what comes next, and the idea of more hustling seems exhausting, especially with kids in tow.
On top of that...you are realizing that maybe you weren’t as “okay” as you thought, and understanding that you suppressed a part of you a long time ago and now that little part of you is hurting and needs to be acknowledged in order to heal.
I realized that I needed to soothe my inner child after noticing that I didn’t like how annoyed I got when my toddler whined. It drove me up the wall, immediately. After needed self-reflection, I remembered how often I was told to “stop that noise” as a child whenever I reacted unfavorably in any situation. I learned very quickly to stifle my emotions. Now, here I was as a momma not knowing how to gracefully handle my son’s moods.
(Side note: A good way I’ve found to handle this trigger is to calmly tell my son that I want to hear him and help the situation but that it’s hard to do so when he is whining.)
Are you finding yourself in a similar situation?
My friend, welcome...let’s explore the inner child together.
What is an inner child
Holistic Psychologist, Dr. Nicole LaPera (@the.holistic.psychologist) describes the inner child as a part of our mind that stores all of our emotional experiences since childhood. Even though we are no longer children we still use these experiences as our emotional lenses for how we gauge or interpret current situations.
The fact is that we all have an inner child. Having an inner child is not a phenomena reserved for only those who have had horribly unfortunate childhood experiences. Some people have big traumas and others have smaller ones but they are all valid, and all wound our psyches to a varying degree.
Some example of childhood hurts that we might have experienced include:
Emotional neglect
Being given inappropriate demands/responsibility
Not being allowed to be yourself
Not feeling like you are loved by/ belong in your family
Being a child of divorce
Having an emotionally uninterested parent
Inappropriate sexual conduct
Not being fed/nourished enough
Not having a safe household
Inappropriate punishments
And the list could go on and on…
It is no wonder then that having a wounded inner child has resulted in our feelings of guilt, anxiety, shame, and overwhelm.
These wounds can contribute to how we engage in all of our relationships, including our careers and yes, even how we raise our own children.
The Buddhist spiritual leader Thich Nhat Hanh has said:
“the cry we hear from deep in our hearts comes from the wounded child within.”
Keep reading for exercises to help you to make your inner child happy.
Signs you have a suppressed inner child
Every wound has symptoms.
Here are some signs to help you recognize your wounded inner child:
You feel inadequate and constantly belittle yourself.
You experience anxiety.
You suffer from a lack of identity.
You have a hard time trusting people, including yourself.
You may be a people pleaser.
You have a hard time letting go.
You are an overachiever.
Thankfully, all of these habits can be changed when you heal your inner child. Keep reading for 3 ways that have worked for me.
How to reconnect with your inner child
Below are some exercises that you can do to start your healing journey with your inner child.
⚠️Yes, it’s going to be difficult some days, but please remember you have to feel to heal. Right now your inner child may seem like it’s screaming...it needs your attention.
As a parent, you know that children act out when they want attention. Your inner child is no different, it needs to be seen and validated.
Your inner child is crying to you because it wants to be healed. Take time to be compassionate with yourself. Embrace your inner child, they are worthy and so are you! A happy inner child is peaceful, curious, and playful.
To heal our inner self we must note our fragmented parts and identify our fears. It is not an easy process, as many of us have spent our entire lives covering these areas up. Trust me, there is freedom in transparency.
I know how tiring it can be to be doing inner healing work while raising a child. Some days I feel like I have one son but two children. But that’s how reparenting is…you’re finally taking care of yourself in a way that wasn’t afforded to you in your younger years.
I’m sending really big virtual hugs your way momma.
3 exercises that you can use to reparent your inner child:
👂Stop and Listen
The fact that you are becoming aware of your inner child shows that you are getting ready for your healing journey.
Pause. There is no rush. Thorough healing will be a slow process. You may feel resistance when you bring your inner child to the surface. Often times an unhealed inner child is quite childish and you may find yourself lashing out and reacting in an irrational manner. Reflect on what is triggering you. The root of the trigger is where the salve of love and understanding need to be applied.
Now that you are listening to your inner child, take the time to ask questions. After all, all of the outbursts of your wounded inner child is because it wants to be heard.
I found these 3 questions on Wu Wei Wisdom’s Youtube Channel and they have been the most helpful for me after months of being on an emotional carousel.
Questions to ask your inner child:
What would you like to tell me?
(Give your inner child space and time to speak to you. After so many years of repressing your inner self you may find that your inner child has gone quiet. Be patient. Just like your real child, if you rush it your inner child may clam up and regress further.)
Expect lots of emotions at this point.
Your inner child may have feelings of:
Anger
Resentment
Injustice
Rejection
Loneliness
Overwhelm
Another question to ask your inner child is,
Why do you believe this?
This puts a halt to all the feelings. Which is so powerful. I’m sure you are tired of all the feelings by now...which is why you are looking for answers. The feelings are uncomfortable and honestly, an unending carousel.
By asking yourself why you think/believe what you do, you’re guiding yourself to the core issue that you suffered during childhood.
Don’t ignore the feelings...they are important, acknowledge that you feel this way and that your feelings are valid.
And understand that this process may take several sittings. Maybe over weeks and months.
Once you are satisfied with your answer to question two, the third question to ask yourself is,
What do you want us to do about it?
I have found that just acknowledging and enjoying time with your inner self can be enough to help your healing process.
💌Letter writing
This is so powerful. I often suggest writing letters as a way to heal many situations. It gets the clutter out of our heads and onto a page where it is easier to analyze.
You can write a letter TO your inner child or FROM your inner child to your adult self.
Show your inner child compassion, including phrases like, “You are safe now.” “I love you.” and, “I forgive you.”
It can be beneficial for you to turn this practice into an ongoing journaling ritual.
🎨Engage Your Inner Child in Positive Play
Reminisce on things you used to enjoy in childhood and reenact them. You decide how deep on this you want to go. This can include revisiting your favorite childhood spots, or hobbies you enjoyed to full on eating cereal in footie pajamas.
I found that rediscovering hobbies was a great tool to help nurture my sense of identity. Some great ones include crafting, gardening, or any sort of physical activity. The possibilities are endless and obviously personal to your interests.
What’s important here is to listen to YOU!
Be gentle with your child self.
Acclaimed psychospiritual counselor, Mateo Sol stated,
“Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; it contains your capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity and playfulness.”
Take the steps to get back to your healthy, happy and whole self. It will take brutal honesty and work, but momma, it will be worth it.
You are lovable. You are worthy. You are a good person and you matter.
If you would like more information on holistic healing methods that you can use to re-parent yourself and champion your inner child in the process then please enter your name and email below. You’ll get tips, guided worksheets and information on workshops, both online and in-person here in The Bahamas sent directly to your inbox.