Engaging Your Inner Maiden for Authentic Parenting

((This is the transcript from my session at the Conscious and Healthy Mama Movement Event with Brogan Metcalf. I’m so glad to share this info with you.))

Thanks so much for having me, Brogan.

And thank you to everyone attending this lecture today. Although I am the one thanking you now, you should all be thanking yourselves, too—for taking the time to do something for you.

We often run away from ourselves, and in the long run, it hurts us, our partners, our children, and our families. You're here today to learn how to stop running away and start leaning in—so take a moment.

Thank yourself.

The subject of today's lecture is "Engaging Your Inner Maiden for Authentic Parenting," and I'll break down what that means in four parts.

First, I'll answer the question, what is an inner maiden? 

Then, I'll talk about why we must re-engage with our inner maidens.

 After that, we'll explore all the benefits of leaning in to listen to your inner maiden. And this is where it starts to get really exciting. We'll develop that energy and carry it over into part four, where I'll cover how listening to our inner maidens helps up with more authentic parenting.

Before we jump in, I want to start with a quote that reminds us how the journey of becoming Juicy and Whole beings. 

"Everything in the unconscious seeks outward manifestation. And the personality, too, desires to evolve out of its unconscious conditions and to  experience itself as a whole." (Carl Jung)

Whenever I think that I'm doing too much or being too much, I remind myself of this quote. Because it validates the fact that I am not, and cannot, be "too much." 

We are always figuring out who we are. We are always becoming more on our journey to being whole people.

And as a multi-passionate person, I am a being that exists on this earth to enjoy life to the fullest—and it can never be "too full."

I know that may seem like a scary thought to some. Especially as mothers, when we are already doing so much for everyone else—our children, our partners, the family pet or pets, our parents, our jobs—the thought of making room and making space for ourselves can seem daunting.

To untrained eyes, it looks like "more work."

But it's not more work.

It is our sole purpose to live our soul's purpose.

Right now, many of us are living a very one-sided or one-dimensional life. When, in fact, we all have outer life of events and an inner life full of our own thoughts, dreams, and feelings.

The problem is that we aren't taught how to integrate these two important aspects of ourselves.

So, it becomes our job to teach ourselves.

Really, it's our right to teach ourselves. 

Maybe you've heard of this Native American belief: When you heal yourself, that healing extends to the 7 generations behind you and the 7 generations in front of you.

Isn't it great to know that the work you're doing benefits you and your lineage—in both directions!

If that sounds too far out there for you, just think about what it would look like if you stopped drinking, learned how to respond rather than react, or cultivated radical compassion. How much would that change life for your children? How would it impact how they navigate the world? Or, how they parent—if they decide to have kids of their own?

The work you're doing right here, right now, is so powerful. So, let's jump in.

PART I: WHAT IS YOUR INNER MAIDEN?

WHAT IS YOUR INNER MAIDEN?

She is the first stage of womanhood in your life.

There are thought to be three stages, and it's a common concept in mythology and media—so you might even know a little bit about it already.

Your inner maiden begins her life around the age of 12, and this stage of womanhood is often marked by the start of your menstrual cycle. It's a time of curiosity. We begin to see ourselves as women, as individuals, as people separate from our mothers.

The maiden represents purity, optimism, freedom, blossoming, wonder, innocence, becoming,  honesty, wonder, and awe. 

The second stage of womanhood is the mother. This stage has a clear start date. It begins the moment we give birth. The mother is the nurturer and the caretaker, and she puts others' needs before her own. Does this sound familiar?

She reflects on how so many others were reckless or naïve during her maiden phase, and she uses those experiences to turn inwards and work on herself. Overall, she is in tune with her needs, but she may still feel a bit self-conscious. The mother represents fertility, stability, and patience.

The third stage of womanhood is the crone/sage stage. Although it may not sound like it, this stage is also beautiful. It is when we, as women, are the wisest and most self-assured.

Unfortunately, in Western Culture, we tend to be obsessed with youth and beauty, so this stage is often undermined. But in her true power, the Crone, or the Sage, is a guide. She plants seeds to continue her legacy.

PART II: WHY WE NEED TO RE-ENGAGE WITH OUR INNER MAIDENS.

The problem is that many of us didn't know any of this while we were in our maiden phase. The maiden years are meant for us to explore who we are and who we are becoming. But the thing about humans is that from the day that we're born, we are already being shaped by our family and society at large. And then, as we begin our maiden years, we enter the most judgmental community yet—our voyage through middle school.

Talk about feeling the pressure to conform!!

These are the years that we're supposed to live in reckless abandon, but we've been molded to think otherwise.

Also, depending on your upbringing, you might even feel like you're not welcome into womanhood.

So many of us are shamed as we enter this area of our lives. We are made to feel dirty for having a menstrual cycle. We're made to feel unclean for embracing our sensuality and sexuality.

So, the reason why so many women enter motherhood totally unaware of their true identities should come as no surprise. We’ve been brought up to dream of our role as wife and mother to be the be all and end all of our identity. Talk about a sham!!

And very quickly after becoming a mother, life gets so exhausting that we wonder if it's even possible for us to be more than that. But the fact that you are here at this summit today tells me that you are ready to unleash your true and whole self.

Remember that humans were not put on this earth to suffer! We are here to enjoy life and live it to the fullest.

THE INNER MAIDEN VS. THE INNER CHILD

It's important for us to differentiate between the inner maiden and the inner child. Although some people may use them interchangeably, they are not the same thing.

Many people credit the term inner child to psychiatrist Carl Jung. You can think of it as a person's childlike aspects. It includes everything a person learned as a child—and this is the important part—before puberty.

The inner child is often conceived as a semi-independent sub-personality of our conscious minds.

To me, the big difference between the inner child and our inner maiden is that the inner child did everything striving for the approval of mommy and daddy, whereas the inner maiden was curious and wanted to branch out and discover her own identity.

When we were in our maiden years, think 12 to mid-20s, the last thing we wanted to do was be like our mothers. It's the time when we really relied on our peer groups to tell us what was cool or uncool.

This is also why doing inner maiden work is so important. We spent these formative years being incredibly impressionable. While we were supposed to be developing our identity, many of us stuck to the safety of the pack.

PART III: THE BENEFITS OF LISTENING TO OUR INNER MAIDEN

Re-engaging with your inner maiden will breathe new life into you and revitalize any stagnant energy that you have within.

This is the power of maiden energy. Your inner maiden represents the season of Spring. Like this season of renewal and blossoming, she focuses on new growth. She is young-minded, curious, spritely. 

Above all, though, at the core of the maiden spirit is the creation of a relationship with the self—the discovery of personal identity and trust in an inner-authority.

 

PART IV: AUTHENTIC PARENTING

If you haven't already realized it, you can't authentically parent if you're not authentically you. And if you haven't leaned into your inner maiden, you might have a hard time figuring out who the most authentic version of you is.

So, to be a more authentic parent, to lean into your inner maiden, there are three things you must do: rebel, release, and rekindle.

REBEL

Your rebellion can be as big or as small as you need it to be. You being here right now is a perfect example. You are here at this summit because, deep down, you feel that there are greater things out there for you. And it doesn't mean that you're ungrateful. What it means is that you're uncomfortable.

Rebelling doesn't mean that you want a lavish life full of fancy things—although it might look like that for some mothers. No matter what your vision is—you might not even have one yet—you know that you're trudging through life, feeling burnt out and unfulfilled. And you know that that is not what you were put on God's green earth for!

 When you lean into your inner maiden, you rediscover your sense of personal identity and nourish your relationship with yourself. Your inner-authority comes into the forefront, and you know instinctively what you want—and what you don't.

Think back to your favorite coming-of-age movie, whether it's The Breakfast  Club, Pretty in Pink, Mean Girls… it's always has a bit of rebellion.

So, be a little wild. Be a little selfish. Be a little hedonistic!

And before you ask, how will being a little heathen help me raise my children? Remember that you set the bar for how your children interact with life. You show them that what they believe is—or isn't—possible.

Do you want them to see mommy loving life? Or simply trudging through it. 

Obviously, this doesn't mean frivolous spending and laying on the couch with nothing on but a feather boa. It means seeing you taking risks and trying new things.

Start the passion project. Get the nose piercing. Don't stop believing! Rebel.

RELEASE

Then, release. The maiden can help us let go. Think about middle school best friends. They don't hold grudges.

Release the expectations that you had on what parenting was going to look like. Holding on to these fantastical pseudo-realities only stresses you and your child out.

And be honest with yourself. You are holding onto childhood beliefs—we all are. Just like we stated earlier while talking about the inner child. And not to discredit any of our experiences, but sometimes in childhood, it's easy to misconstrue what is going on in the "adult world."

When you hold your child up to these preconceived notions of what you thought parenting would be like, what your child is hearing is that they aren't good enough as they are.

Let go of ideas that no longer serve you—or your child.

REKINDLE

 Finally, rekindle. Get to know yourself.

The fire has not been put out. You are still in YOU!

You are a witness and a participant in your own healing. You are simultaneously the sculptor and the clay. Spend time with yourself like you would someone you want to get to know better—and grow that loving relationship.

CLOSING WORDS

Listen, I'm holding a free workshop on nurturing your inner maiden.

If you got value out of this lecture, then my upcoming workshop is a great accompaniment.

You can find the link to sign-up for this free workshop on the last page of the booklet you received as my gift to you for showing up to this summit, or you can find the link in my Instagram bio.

Thank you, and have a good night.